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Mariana
Life on track
Story by David W. McGorry, Art by Bridget|
MARIANA For the past five months, my beautiful daughter Mariana cried every time I headed out for my run. She hated being left behind and would throw herself on the floor in an attempt to keep me from leaving the house. To the casual observer, it might seem that Mariana was a spoiled or neglected child, but this was not the case. Mariana had been diagnosed with emotional and behavioral issues and an attachment disorder was among the many manifestations. TERRIBLE TWO'S We adopted Mariana at the age of nine months. As she developed, we realized that something was wrong. The normal "Terrible Two's" didn't disappear as she grew older and when she learned to speak, she seemed unable to control the oftentimes inappropriate things she would impulsively say to any stranger. Attempts to have her attend preschool were difficult. While Mariana was extremely attached to my wife and me, she had a difficult time attaching to teachers and exhibited angry behavior at school. Focusing was extremely difficult for my child and now the school was starting to use the word 'oppositional' when describing Mariana. STRESS RELIEF Mariana was put on medication and her focus improved somewhat, but the medication made her gain weight. I knew that running would help her control her weight gain and give her an aerobic outlet but running had always been my time to reenergize, so that I could handle the many responsibilities of family and work. I had been a runner for 25 years, starting in college on the XC team, competing in adulthood, and finally settling in as a recreational runner, I ran for stress relief. Taking Mariana with me would change all this. I wanted my precious running time to myself. HEADED TO THE TRACK WITH MARIANA Furthermore, taking Mariana in public was already a challenge. When she got frustrated for seemingly simple issues, she melted down into screaming hysterics. Being the quiet and private person that I was, it was difficult and embarrassing to take Mariana with me, but a child's persistence can wear you down, so one day I found myself headed to the track with my smiling Mariana, all dolled up in her favorite cotton short set, Powerpuff Girl sneakers, and juice box in hand. MICROCOSM OF PROBLEMS Although in many ways Mariana was smart, I knew that the idea of staying on the track and even running one lap would be very hard for her. Giving a pleasant hello but leaving her fellow runners alone would also be a challenge. The track would be a microcosm of the problems Mariana faced every day of her life. SAFE PLACE TO RUN But the track is the safest place for running in our town. The clay track's resiliency protects my 46 year-old knees and would be good for Mariana's growing bones. It's also fenced in and is much safer than running on the winding country roads near my house. "HI, WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?" Mariana arrived at the track animated, excited, and uninhibited. She greeted everyone hanging around with, "Hi, what's your favorite color?" She told some of them she liked their shirts and some of them that she didn't. "M!" Mariana noticed the numbers on the track and the letters that spelled out the school name. She found the letter 'M' that was in her name and yelled it out! HERE TO RUN I told Mariana that if she was going to come with me, she had to be a behave like a big girl. And I reminded her that we were here to run. DRAWING ATTENTION We started off running but we didn't get very far. It is hard for Mariana to stay focused, and she certainly didn't understand running at the track 'etiquette'. She cut in front of runners, complained loudly about having to hold my hand, and made comments to every runner who passed us. As usual, we began to draw attention from everyone. I have been running for over 25 years and I know that this time in a person's day can almost be spiritual. I started to get those same looks of irritation and annoyance I got in church, at the supermarket and at my older daughter's after school activities; looks that said, "What is wrong with that little girl? Why can't that man control her? Why doesn't he take her out of here?" UNWELCOME Now I was getting those same looks during my favorite sport: the sport that had made me an athlete, had become my pastime, and that I now thought of as a friend. It was almost as if I had been a respected member of a private club and I was now making myself unwelcome. SLAPPING HANDS Finally, Mariana and I made it around the track. Somehow the disapproving looks of strangers only made me stronger. I had started out in this sport as an overweight and out of shape teenager and ended up as the Most Valuable Player on my college cross-country team. I knew the only way to get started was to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. As we walked to the car we stopped to slap hands and Mariana said, "I love doing things with you, Dad." GETTING THE HANG OF A NEW ROUTINE It was an unsolicited comment and it made me determined to try again. I have been back to the track with Mariana about seven times and now she can do a lap like any other runner without holding hands or disturbing the other people. Like a lot of things it just takes her longer to get the hang of a new routine and get comfortable in new surroundings. EACH STEP WE TAKE I realize now that the best way for both of us to grow together is to be together and for me to share with her the parts of my life that I enjoy and that have helped me grow. Her larger problems will take longer to sort out but each step we take together as runners brings us closer and makes me more understanding of how so many people need courage just to handle the daily tasks of life. A SPECIAL TIME It has never ceased to amaze me how running has come to my aid to help me grow and find my way through a troubled time. When I was young, running took me from a non-athletic overweight kid and gave me confidence, a new social life, and new feeling of control over my body and life. When I matured it became my time alone to think, become grounded, and prioritize my actions before I would start each day. Later, it became a special time that was just for me and let me escape the demands of work and raising a family. LIFE ON TRACK Now running had emerged again to help me grow as a human being, be a better dad and hopefully help a struggling little person get her life on track.   rwedit@rodale.com
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Editor's Note: We're hoping that we'll hear more about Mariana's running and development as the years pass. We printed this story for it shows the power of love, patience, and belief; belief in the human spirit. When a child has special needs, the causes, manifestations, disablilities, and abilities are often short of mysterious, as in this story where Mariana surprises us all and learns how to stay on track, as she becomes a runner.
